Licenced to bill

My TV licence nearly cost me as much as the TV I bought. In Australia the Australian Broadcasting Commission is supported by indirect and hidden taxes - in other words, I've never really had to give a thought as to how my hard earned tax dollars were being used on foreign imports and reality programs.

So when I was forced to hand over £130 for a licence, that I didn't even need to test for, I started to pay more attention to what my money was being spent on. There is, like in Australia, a staple diet of reality shows like Big Brother, or children's programming that revolves around a man with a hand in a sock with eyes or up the sack-hole of fluffy talking pillow.

However, there is one unique genre of program here in England that is yet to be exploited in Australia - it's made for pissed people, who have come home in the early hours of the morning and who are too drunk to go to bed - so they have to sit up and watch TV and attempt to sober up, so their bed does not transform into fishing trawler limping home in a force 9 gale.

The TV show made for this special niche market is called Quiz Night Live - Imagine a show that combines Trivia with Sudoku, dresses it up like a fruit machine in full flight and is hosted by an attractive girl, who flirts relentlessly with the viewer.

There you have it - instant success. You don't need a brain to participate. You don't need any attention span to remain engaged and you can even call the hostess up on the telephone, live, when you're convinced that she is hitting on you.