Shop till you drop...

There is a blackhole located just outside the Kentish town of Bean, in an old chalk quarry just off the M25 - it's called Bluewater Shopping Mall. My car became trapped in the gravitational pull of this life sapping vortex on Saturday, and before I could accelerate away we were parked in the outer reaches of its extensive car park and walking towards the entrance.

Once inside, we joined the other victims in a mind-numbing walk around the shops. Encased in marble and glass, with artificial lighting and plastic plants I soon lost all track of time and the will to live. I ended up wandering into a youth shop called Urban Kaos where a spotty little teenager, with more facial peircings than a pin cushion engaged me in conversation.

'Any big plans for today', inquired the pin cushion.

'Just shopping', I responded half heartedly.

'Yeah...nothing much else to do around here', continued my perferated pal. 'I used to think this place was great, but there is absolutely nothing to do around here!', he moaned.

'How long have you been here', I inquired.

'This is my second week', responded my despondant dartboard.

That was exactly 13 days and 22 hours longer than I could handle. I said goodbye, wished him luck and hurried back to my car.