Stop the pain daddy - it's Lionel Ritchie!

The wedding singer was absolutely butchering Lionel Ritchie's 'Dancing on the Ceiling' - a song that should have been put down years ago for humane reasons. A good lawyer would have successfully argued for a mercy killing in front of any decent judge. Unfortunately, the opportunity was missed and now the song is murdered, over and over, every weekend in karaoke bars, weddings and any lounge room with a PS2 Song Star.

I knew it was a wedding because there were so many pissed nannas and little children stoned on red cordial. Grandad looked a little more confused than normal and, no doubt somewhere in the reception room, the best man was blaming food poisoning on a very colourful yawn.....

We finished our lemonades and left before they had time to launch into the 3rd verse...