If only it were as easy to get your life together as it is to assemble an IKEA wall unit...

Thank you for choosing to purchase a life. Inside this box, you will find all the components required to lead a fulfilling existence (tools required). First check to ensure that you have all the materials:

One Hollow, Worthless, Human Carcass
A Healthy Dose of Blind Optimism
Extended Credit Facilities
General Good Health
Life Partner (optional - does not fit all models)
A Specific Purpose for Being
AA Battery

Step 1:
Grasp Hollow, Worthless, Human Carcass by the throat and force it mercilessly to its knees.

Step 2:
Throttle the carcass until it is drained of all cynicism.

Step 3:
Connect a Healthy Dose of Blind Optimism with General Good Health and insert into carcass (suppositories supplied)

Step 4:
Finally program the unit with a Purpose for Being and furnish with Extended Credit Facilities (can be replaced with a life partner)

Step 5:
Insert AA Batteries